Major Olufunmilayo Ajilore (retd.) speaks to TEMITOPE ADETUNJI about her journey through a polygamous home, military life, and overcoming the stigma of divorce, while staying strong and active at 89...CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING.>>
Can you tell us about your childhood experience? What kind of home did you come from?
Thank you for reading this post, don't forget to subscribe!I am from Abeokuta but grew up in Lagos and Ibadan. I came from a polygamous family, and life wasn’t tough because my father provided for us. Growing up in a polygamous home, I had various experiences. It wasn’t always easy, but it taught me a lot about understanding and dealing with different people in the family.
However, as we grew older and wiser, we realised he wasn’t rich; he lived within his means. My father married my mother because his first wife didn’t bear him children. In his early years, my father was a printer. He worked with a printing firm in Lagos, around CMS Bookshop.
My mother had previously been married and had children before meeting my father in Accra, Ghana. Together, they had three children. Though my father wasn’t wealthy, he was very supportive within his means. Many people assumed he was rich because he managed his finances wisely and never lived beyond his capacity.
What schools did you attend?
I first attended Sacred Heart for kindergarten in Ibadan. After that, I was brought to Lagos, where I lived in a hostel. We were the first set of students at an 18th-grade school in Lagos in 1944. I was very young and didn’t fully understand why I had to live in a hostel, but it was a structured environment. Later, when a girls’ school was established, I returned to Ibadan to continue my education.
Back then, completing Primary 6 was considered a great achievement. My parents wanted us to have the best education possible. I later attended St. Teresa’s College, a Catholic mission school in Oke Bola, Ibadan. After secondary school, I worked and got married. I had three children before travelling abroad. In 1980, I went to England, where I attended a technical college in London. I also studied at Henning Technical College in London and Watford College of Technology.
How did you meet your husband?
Before travelling to England, I got married at the age of 22 and had three children with my husband. His father believed I came from a wealthy family, which wasn’t entirely true. My husband was not wealthy either, but his father played a controlling role in our marriage. At some point, my aunt intervened and pleaded with my husband to let me continue with the marriage.
However, his father refused to reconsider. Eventually, my sister-in-law advised me to travel abroad. In 1963, I left for England. Over time, my husband and I separated, largely because his father did not want us to be together. My first marriage was around 1956 or 1957. My second marriage took place in 1970.
Can you share some of your experiences while studying abroad?
My father wasn’t wealthy, and I faced financial challenges. While at Watford Technical College, I applied for assistance and was given part-time jobs to help cover my living expenses, especially on weekends.
How was life after the separation?
Life wasn’t easy, but I thank God. My father raised us humbly, and my mother was occupied with looking after her other children from her previous marriage while also seeking financial stability. Interestingly, my father, despite not having many children, was still eager to have more, while my mother had to travel to the North to care for her other children. My parents lived separately, each focused on their responsibilities.
For how long were you separated?
After returning from England, my father insisted I remarry. He believed single women were often viewed negatively; he thought they would be harlots or wayward. So, he encouraged me to marry again. I remarried in 1971. Society often stigmatises single mothers.
What are your thoughts on this?
In the past, single parents were more accepted. If a woman’s marriage fails, society will try to reconcile the couple, but if the marriage is not working, some people will support separation while others will not. People have different perspectives on the matter.
You had three children with your first husband. Did you have more children with your second husband?
Yes, I had two more children.
Are you still married to your second husband?
I was married to him, but he passed away. I felt sad about his demise, but God knows best.
What were the things that attracted you to your second husband?
I can’t really say. I was already an army officer before I married my second husband. Although society views military personnel as tough people, when it comes to military women, we aren’t as tough as society perceives us. We are just like every other person out there.
When did your second husband pass away?
It has been a long time; I can’t remember the exact date.
What was the reaction of your family and friends when you joined the military?
My parents were supportive, especially my dad. He was very supportive. My mum was running around, looking for money because she had married someone before my father, and she had children she needed to take care of. My dad supported me within his means because he wasn’t rich, he was an average man.
What inspired you to join the Nigerian Army?
The lack of job opportunities at the time motivated me to join. I was determined to work and had to rely on connections to get into the Army.
What year did you join the military?
I joined the University of Lagos in 1968 as a matron in charge of the hostel. I studied Catering and Dietetics. Then, in 1970, I joined the military, and I retired many years later.
Can you tell us about your experiences as a matron at UNILAG?
I was in charge of the female hostel at UNILAG. The girls had strict rules, and male visitors were not allowed. However, some girls would try to sneak in their boyfriends, which caused some issues.
You joined the Army in 1970, which means you would have witnessed some coups during your service. How did the coups affect your division, and what did you do during those times?
Fortunately, none of the coups affected where I was stationed. When a coup occurred, we were instructed to stay in and avoid travelling more than 20 kilometres from our stations.
How did you feel during those times?
The only one I recall being in the country at the time was when Buhari took over from Shagari. I was stationed at Jaji at the time, and the coup occurred the day after the passing-out ceremony for students. We were safe, as no coups directly affected us.
How was it for you as a female officer working in a male-dominated environment? How did you balance your professional and personal life?
We simply focused on our work. We maintained a friendly relationship with the male soldiers and treated each other with respect. During operations, we were protected, and I always felt safe while carrying out my duties.
What was the most challenging part of your career?
I can’t really remember. All I know is that I don’t like problems; I tend to back out from trouble. There were many challenges, but I can’t pinpoint one specific instance. It was a tough but rewarding journey.
Did your military life affect other aspects of your life, like relationships, marriage, and taking care of your home?
I went on many postings, but I had an understanding family. Once you join the Army, you belong to Nigeria; your husband does not have power over you.
What morals have you instilled in your children?
I’ve taught my children to be grateful for everything they have. They understand the importance of honouring commitments such as being on time for appointments. I also advised my daughters to avoid going out after 6pm, and if they do, they should be home by 8pm.
Can you mention some of the military units or cantonments you worked in, and which one was the most memorable?
I worked at the Military Hospital in Yaba and the Military Hospital in Kaduna, known as 44. Additionally, I was at the Jaji Training Centre for senior officers in Kaduna State. The most memorable for me was working at the Military Hospital in Yaba. While some of my work experience was in the North, I also worked in Victoria Island with Buhari.
Can you tell us the year you were promoted to the rank of Major?
I can’t recall the exact year, but it was within a certain period. I remember being promoted to Major after serving in a particular area, although I can’t recall the exact name of the location.
What advice would you give to young Nigerians, especially women, who want to serve their country in the military?
The military is now becoming highly educational. Focus on your studies and maintain your dignity. You will naturally face challenges in any aspect of life, whether as a civilian or in the military. However, if you discipline yourself and obey the rules, you will scale through.
Also, remember that not everyone will like you. Even among those who laugh with you, some may dislike you in secret. When I was working with Buhari during his time as a civilian president, I was one of his staff. He was a very nice man while I worked for him.
I was in charge of his children’s education. He is very kind, though I am surprised by how things fell apart over time. A single tree cannot make a forest. To me, he is a good man.
What would you say is your greatest achievement?
Well, I was able to provide myself with basic needs. My children are graduates, and all of them have travelled abroad. I would say my greatest achievement is being alive to see my children take care of me.
How is life after retirement?
I retired many years ago, and life after retirement has been a mix of peace, reflection, and adjustment. Initially, it felt strange not having the structured routine that came with military service, but over time, I learned to embrace a more relaxed pace of life.
These days, I spend most of my time in a quiet environment, far from the hustle and bustle of my home. Sometimes, I miss the discipline and camaraderie of my service years, but I have also come to appreciate the freedom that retirement brings. I have more time for myself, to rest, to think, and to reconnect with family and old friends.
One of the biggest changes after retirement was adapting to a slower pace. The military kept me constantly engaged, moving from one assignment to another, always with a sense of duty and purpose. But after retirement, I had to learn how to structure my days.
It took some getting used to, but I eventually found ways to keep myself occupied. Health has also become a priority. I take each day as it comes, ensuring that I eat well, rest properly, and manage any health challenges that come with age. Though I have some health concerns, I am grateful that they are not too severe, and I continue to pray for strength.
Despite the challenges that come with aging, I remain grateful for the journey so far. Life after retirement has given me time to reflect on my experiences, appreciate the sacrifices I made, and most importantly, be thankful for the gift of long life.
Can you remember any of your contemporaries from your time in the army?
Yes, I remember my contemporaries, such as Colonel Adewuyi, Major Oke, Major Owolabi, Colonel Odunaike, and others.
You are turning 89 soon. What is the secret to staying active at your age?
I can’t walk properly anymore, so I use a walking stick and a wheelchair. However, I can still speak fluently, eat well, and even cook. It is all by God’s grace.
What are you grateful to God for?
I am grateful for the life He has given me because I never thought I would experience my 80s. By God’s grace, I will be 91 in a few days. God has been blessing me. I don’t have many ailments, though I am hypertensive and diabetic now. But I would describe it as mild. The only time I suffered the most was when I found myself sitting at home, and then suddenly woke up in the hospital. I can’t remember the year.
When I opened my eyes, I was shocked to find myself in the hospital. I kept asking everyone what I was doing there. My son told me not to worry, that God had sent me back to finish the work I was meant to do. That made me happy. But overall, I am grateful to God. Life is not too bad, though I have my challenges.
